| Cyber Housewives Addicted to the
    Internet: How it Negatively Affect SpousalRelationships in Web-Friendly American Households Today
 December 18, 1998   
   The estimated number of U.S. online users is 79 million (Neilson Media Research, Online) out of the current
    U.S. population of 270,042,817 (Census,
    Online). Originally, the medias stereotypical Internet users were predominately
    young, introverted, computer-oriented males (Center for
    On-Line Addiction, Online). For the first time, in a June 1988 report, women now make
    up over half of AOLs subscribers (TechWeb, Online).
    Furthermore, AOL is still growing -- at the rate of a million a month! Overall, men still
    use the internet more than women, -- 52% vs. 47.5%; however, the growth rate of women on
    the Internet has been steadily rising while men use of the Internet has been declining
    since 1995 (Headcount, Online). According to GVU, nearly 38% of
    women on the Internet are married (GVUs WWW User
    Surveys, Online). Now also consider that there are currently 27,000 web sites on the
    Internet, and this number is doubling every 53 days. Clearly, the Internet is consuming a
    vast quantity of women and housewives time in society today. As with anything else
    which we consume in such magnitude, there are realistic impacts and effects, positively or
    negatively. In this paper, I would like to explore the negative affects the Internet have
    on us; specifically: Cyber Housewives Addicted
    to the Internet: Why & How it Negatively Affect Spousal Relationships in Web-Friendly
    American Households today. 1 Before I can explore the negative causal factors, we must first understand what defines
    a good spousal relationship. For this, I will refer to the Marriage Builder website. According to Willard
    F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D., the author of the internationally best selling book, His Needs,
    Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage, and web author of the Marriage Builder,
    the basis of a good marital relationship is the importance of emotional needs. Dr. Harley
    breaks down the emotional needs into these 10 factors: Affection, Sexual
    Fulfillment, Conversation, Recreational Companionship, Honesty and Openness, An Attractive
    Spouse, Financial Support, Domestic Support, Family Commitment, and Admiration.
    Meeting these important emotional needs is only half of the story, however. While
    possessing these factors are how couples can maintain a good, loving relationship, the
    couples must also be sure that they avoid withdrawing these factors from their
    relationship. Each couple should first determine five of the ten emotional needs and
    prioritize them in order of importance to them and then work toward meeting them. I will
    briefly review the definition of each factor. 
      
        Affection is, quite simply, the expression of love." The expression
        of love symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval which are the vital
        ingredients in any relationship. Displays of affections by one spouse to another, show
        that you care and that your spouse is of utmost importance to you. Affection is, for many,
        the essential cement of a relationship; it bounds couples emotionally. Without affection,
        many feel totally alienated. Sexual Fulfillment is the fulfillment of sexual needs. It is Dr.
        Harleys experience that almost all questions pertaining to sexual fulfillment are
        from women who dont enjoy sex as much as their husbands do. Other questions are from
        husbands inquiring how they can make sex more attractive to their wives  and vice
        versa. Sex is a vital and complex factor in marriages. Dr. Harley emphasizes the
        importance of conversation and affection in providing an essential environment for sex. Conversation, unlike sex, is not an exclusive need, unless it is one of
        your most important emotional needs that made you fall in love with your spouse. Men and
        woman usually do not have difficulty talking to one another during the courtship stage
        since that is a time of information-gathering for both parties. Both are highly motivated
        to discover each others likes and dislikes, personal background, interests, and
        goals. However, after marriage, many women find that the men they married no longer wanted
        to spend hours conversing with them. If the womens need for conversation was
        fulfilled during the courtship stage, generally, they will expect it be met after
        marriage. Recreational Companionship combines recreational activities and
        companionship. During the courtship stage, the couple, most likely, favored each
        others recreational companionship. Couples simply want to spend as much time with
        each other as possible. Though Dr. Harley does recognize that marriage changes a
        relationship considerably, he wonders whether marriage has to end the activities that
        originally helped make the relationship so compatible? Honesty and Openness give us a sense of security. By sharing our
        spouses thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily
        activities, and plans for the future, we feel confident of our relationship. When our
        spouses reveal their most private thoughts, some of us feel happy and fulfilled. On the
        other hand, when our spouses hide their feelings and thoughts from us, we become
        frustrated. An Attractive Spouse refers to the physical appearance. Some individuals
        consider finding your partner physically attractive to be a temporary stage, which is only
        important in the beginning of a relationship; as the couples get to know each other
        better, physical attractiveness should then take a back seat to deeper and more intimate
        needs. However, that have not been Dr. Harleys experience; particularly for men.
        Based on the couples that he has met, for many, the need for attractive spouses continue
        throughout the marriage. Usually, weight is a major factor. Choice of clothing, hair
        style, makeup, and personal hygiene are other factors that make a person attractive. Of
        course, attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder, so you are the judge of
        attractiveness. Financial Support is often one of the reasons for marriage. People often
        marry for financial security. But, like many of the emotional needs, financial support is
        sometimes hard to talk about. As a result, many couples have hidden expectations,
        assumptions, and resentments. Domestic Support is referred to as a "time bomb" by Dr. Harley.
        The creation of a peaceful and well-managed home environment, which includes cooking
        meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, house cleaning and child care, may at
        first it seems irrelevant; but for many couples, the need eventually explodes. Family Commitment is the need created by the arrival of children. It is
        not merely the need to feed, cloth or watch over the child to keep them safe; instead it
        is the responsibility for the development of the children, teaching them the values of
        cooperation and care for each other. It is the spending of quality time with your
        children. Admiration is the love of being told that they are appreciated.
        Appreciation is one of the easiest needs to meet. Dr. Harleys 10 emotional factors, as introduced, above are very important to this
    study. As this paper will prove, the Internet is a very powerful lure. It is vital that
    marriages encountering Internet addiction problems possess approximately five of the
    emotional needs, which are of most importance to the couples, because the couples
    love and strength are the keys to overpowering the Internet. Like any other marital
    problems, it will be difficult to mend the marriages if the vital ingredients are not
    available in the first place. Now that we have been introduced to the emotional needs required in successful
    marriages, we can now explore the motivational factors of Internet overuse. The three
    major motivational factors of Internet overuse are community, fantasy, and power
    (Internet
    Connectivity Study, Online).   
    
      
        Community The development of on-line communities is one of the major attractions and
        entertainment social resource on the web today. There are now numerous platforms for
        community interactions. There are: chat rooms which are virtual space where
        people can gather to converse and socialize, instant messenger services
        which work like real pagers on the internet and individuals can instantaneously correspond
        with virtual friends when paged (softwares called ICQ or mIRC), emails, and listservs
        which are mass email discussion groups that one can subscribe to depending on ones
        interests or hobbies.
 Since housewives are mainly either home alone or are home taking care of their children,
        they usually do not have extensive interaction with adult friends, families, co-workers,
        etc. Therefore, senses of community and adult companionships are often sort after. With
        modern friendly, graphical Internet softwares, even women who have no technical training
        can easily navigate their personal computers on-line systems. Once there, everything
        is at their fingertips.
 One of the women I interviewed, Cyber Housewife Shelly, wrote, "
 being stuck
        at home (which I have chosen for the time being) 24 hours a day becomes very lonely, and I
        need adult conversation. That is why I love talking with others on the Internet." She
        also wrote, "
 the ladies I have met, on MY (mailing) group at least, are just
        as equal to real friends." Women often comment how they sought out support, acceptance, and comfort through
        online-relationships formed in chat rooms. Virtual communities provide women with a sense
        of belonging and the ability to share the company of others in a non-threatening
        environment, unlike real life (Center
        for On-Line Addiction, Online). Note, however, that obsessively seeking companionship
        online is an indicator that the couple is lacking in one or more of the emotional needs. Cyber Housewife Shelly shared that "Yes, it (online support) has helped me. I met
        a very special friend on the Internet, and she has helped me through a lot." Another
        woman I interviewed, Cyber Housewife Sheri, said, "I feel I can trust my online
        friends more." In regards to support, Cyber Housewife Sheri added that she belongs to
        several groups and stated that "
 (I) have helped quite a few people through
        things
" According to cyberpsychologist John Suler, Ph.D. of Rider University, who did a study
        on Internet chatrooms (Addiction
        to Cyberspace, Online), chatrooms are very addictive because the social climate offers
        everything from casual chit-chit and goofing around to very intimate, meaningful
        conversation which may or may not lead to cybersex. A large range of social needs can be
        fulfilled in chatrooms. People frequently feel that they have made good friends, and in
        some cases, lovers. A major problem with chatrooms is that people feel obligated to keep
        returning. The more time the individuals spend in the chatrooms the more people they will
        meet, and people will learn to recognize their names. Not showing up for several days will
        likely make individuals feel off-balance or out of the circle, therefore, they will feel
        the need to reestablish those ties. If the individuals do not reestablish those ties, they
        will likely fade out of the community. For many people, it is the social ties that compel
        their return to the chatrooms. Time spent in chatrooms generally passes by very quickly,
        for individuals on virtual time, because it is very addictive. However, in real time, the
        individuals are neglecting their spouses; and instead of offering Conversation and
        Affection to their spouses, which are two of the emotional needs introduced, the
        individuals are offering their companionship to virtual friends. Another woman I interviewed, Graphics Workaholic Housewife Susie, is addicted to the
        Internet from over-working on her graphic website. In our interview, she wrote, "I
        was online all day
 poor Patrick (3 year old son)
 I feel so guilty about
        that
 well time goes by so fast when youre online
 its
        strange!" Other forms of community on a slower pace are emails and listservs. Emails are
        electronic messages delivered via the Internet to the intended parties. Listservs are mass
        email discussion lists or groups which people can subscribe to in order of their
        interests. The topics available for listservs are limitless. Listservs are also simply
        create their own listservs and attract individuals with similar interests to join their
        discussion groups. Listservs keeps individuals up-to-date with the subjects of their
        interest and in touch with similar interests people. Just having to check all the emails
        daily are very time consuming. For instance, this example came from a writer who responded
        to an internet survey:
 "I spend a lot of time on mailing list e-mail, and while I don't have a chat
        software program, I visit some interactive sites where it is possible to 'chat' with
        someone else who is also visiting. I have a bookmark list that I go through every day,
        checking in with certain sites and groups of people, and I encourage my husband to go out
        in the evening so I can have the computer to myself for a few hours. I think my use would
        be a great deal higher if I didn't have three kids at home (5, 2, and 1). I think that my
        use is a dependency in that I get pretty antsy at the thought of missing mail, or messages
        on the interactive pages when I have company over. The first thing I do in the morning is
        check my mail and a few sites, before I go to work, and I know from smoking that this is a
        baaaad sign. Hope some of this helps, sorry I can't help with a conference
 (Center for On-Line Addiction, Online)."
 The housewives Internet addiction to stay-in-touch with their cyber friends
        and groups are amazingly strong. The friendships and bonds they make on the Internet are
        valuable companies to these housewives. To them, the Internet messages from their cyber
        friends are like telephone calls to the norm. It is what keeps the housewives from boredom
        during the days at home alone or with their children without adult companionships. The
        housewives are comfortable confiding their problems to these cyber adult friends who are
        in similar situations. Also falling under the community factor is cyber-flirting and cyber-sex. According to
        the Center for On-Line Addiction, women generally participate in cyber-flirting and less
        cyber-sex. This is because women seek support, companionship, and romance. Like a soap
        opera, a romantic stranger can lead to passion and progress into sexual dialogue, but many
        times they preferred to form some type of relationship prior to sexual chat (Center for On-Line Addiction, Online). Cyber Housewife Shelly and Sheri further support this. Concerning cybersex, Cyber
        Housewife Shelly said, "I did it a couple of times. The first time was fun
        Never could figure out how to type with one hand! However it was exciting, but once you
        did it once, it went downhill from there and became very boring. Although it seemed the
        men couldnt get enough!" Cyber Housewife Sheri said, "Yes, I tried it a
        couple of times. I did it out of curiosity 
 (and) just to have sex with a
        stranger
 (But I stopped because) it was demeaning to do cybersex." In addition,
        of the six housewives I interviewed, only three of them have experimented with cybersex,
        and of the three only one is continually taking part in cybersex. The one housewife who is
        still involved in cybersex acts is Cyber Housewife Kira. She is a part-time housewife with
        a full time profession as a law professor. Cyber Housewife Kira is also a bi-sexual,
        sexual-submissive, and a masochist. Her Internet addiction is due to research related
        reasons and sexual reasons. Even in her unique case, Cyber Housewife Kiras reasons
        for cybersex are I use it to screen for intelligence and mutual sexual interests
         not "for the moment pleasure". It is a mean to go from VT (virtual time)
        to RT (real time). Furthermore, cyberpsychologist John Suler experimented and spent much time in chatrooms
        at a site called the Palace and learned that cybersex is a hot topic in the media
        precisely because it is sex. However, in reality, for chatrooms that are not
        set up for the purpose of pornographic talks, most of the sexual activities taking place
        are just good old fashion "flirting." Of course, much of this flirting does turn
        into cyber sexual relationships, but they are not for the sole purpose of sex. With cyber
        flirting, individuals can "play" with someones personal space, verbally
        snuggle up to someone or dance and wiggle around other individuals. People use words to
        describe their actions, like "Im sitting on your lap and snuggling close to
        you." Women usually cyber-flirt because it gives them opportunities to act in a
        manner which they would not act in real life. Cyber Housewife Shelly shared with me during our interview that "I began to become
        very addicted to wanting to talk to others. Men mostly. I liked the flirting and the way
        it made me feel. The attention I was receiving was overwhelming and desired." Cyber
        Housewife Sheri added, "I used to do it as "power play" almost. The guys
        were eating out of my hands almost
" Perhaps after marriage, these women no longer have a playful, flirting relationship
        with their husband. In general, cyber-flirting is not an act of infidelity but more as an
        act to attract attention or to "play." On the other hand, if activities progress
        to cybersex, and the individuals are captivated to return for more, then it can become a
        problem, which obviously indicate that the individuals are not meeting the emotional need
        factors of Sexual Fulfillment, Honesty & Openness, and An Attractive Spouse. According to the surveys and studies performed by cyberpsychologists and the interviews
        that I conducted, cybersex is too impersonal for many housewives, thus they lose interest
        in cybersex quickly. However, the housewives are still addicted to the Internet for chat,
        friendship, and support reasons, which indicates that cybersex are on the bottom of the
        housewives Internet addictions list. In the case of Cyber Housewife Kira, although
        cybersex is one of her primary internet addiction reason, she is doing so in order to seek
        out "intelligence and mutual sexual interests" and not just for sex. She is
        seeking serious "real time" relationships and is using the Internet as her
        venue. Fantasy The second attribute to Internet attraction is fantasy. People can create new
        personas or play out sexual fantasies. However, this area of fantasy are more closely
        associated with men rather than women -- as discussed above, under the Community factor,
        women are more likely to seek companionship and cyberflirt then cybersex.
        Nevertheless, fantasy does relate to online women users who tends to disguise themselves
        on the net to fit into the slim, blonde, and proportionate model that the media has well
        convinced men to want. Via this mode, women have a chance to meet men even though they are
        over-weight, having a bad hair day, or just feeling awkward about their appearance.
        Conversely, women who are attractive will be able to hide their beauty in order to weed
        out men who only care for her physical attributes, instead of character and intelligence.
        For the women who frequently are in this fantasy phase, they clearly fall under the
        emotional need factor of sexual fulfillment. Power Internet access can empower individuals. I interpreted power as feeling useful
        and having a certain knowledge or skill on the Internet.
 For example, many women, even housewives without formal training, now have excellent
        Internet, web design, and or graphical skills. There are many housewives on the Internet
        whose hobby is to create web graphics for others to use on their own personal websites.
        This task takes a lot of patience and dedication. Their work is just as good as students
        majoring in graphic design. By maintaining their graphics website, the women feel in
        control, empowered, and that they are contributing to the web community. It is a great
        confidence builder for them. It also gives the women opportunities to interact with other
        individuals via emails, since many visitors will email them requesting for special
        individualized creations or how-to questions. These designers usually do not have time to
        chat online.
 Take for example, Graphics Workaholic Housewife Susie, who is the graphic designer of
        her own graphics site on the Internet. She is a mother and a wife. Her graphics creations
        are for free for personal use on the Internet. She often sends mass emails to notify her
        visitors of new updates every two days or so. Creating graphics takes a lot of time,
        expertise, and patience; with an update schedule like hers, Susie was dedicating a lot of
        time on her projects. As such, recently, she announced the following at her website: 
          
            | 10/19/98 "Well, it is with a heavy heart that I must announce
            that XXXXX and all it's "sub-sites" 
, will be closing down as of the
            coming weekend. I feel that I have allowed my "life" on the computer to
            completely take over my real life with my family, and I must put a stop to it now. Please
            feel free to download any graphics, fonts/dings, or midis that you would like to have.
            Come Monday next week, everything will be gone. I've enjoyed my time on the Internet immensely... I've met some wonderful folks out there,
            and visited some truly magnificent sites. I wish to thank everyone who was kind enough to
            visit my site, and a special thank you to those that signed my guestbook and/or sent me
            kind email. You've made my time on the web even more special."
 | However, due to popular demand and sincere emails sent requesting her
        reconsideration, Susie and her family agreed that her site will stay on the web, but she
        will be off-line for a while to spend time with her family. This example falls under many
        of the emotional needs factors, but one particularly stands out, which is domestic
        support. Here is her emotional message to her loyal visitors:   
          
            | 10/25/98 "I am absolutely amazed at the outpouring of support,
            well-wishes, concern and offers, that I have received since making my announcement earlier
            this week. I've had many people offer to host various sections of my site for me...all I
            can say is Thank You! I am touched beyond words that so many of you "pleaded"
            with me to stay on the web. I had no idea that my website meant so much to so many of you!
            I am sitting here with tears in my eyes again because I've just received another email
            asking me to please not shut down...godz....the internet...it just never ceases to amaze
            me.  Here is what I'm doing...I am going on "hiatus" for awhile...I really do need
            to get away from this darn computer and spend some time with my family. But, in discussing
            this further with my family, all agree that I enjoy my website far too much to just give
            it up...making graphics relaxes me...the fonts/dings are too much fun, and I get so many
            wonderful letters from people who enjoy that area of my site. The problem with it all tho,
            was that I felt obligated to continually update those areas of my site, and thus, I was on
            my computer all the time. But, I've decided (with my family's support), that I will allot
            a certain amount of time to my computer...updates will not be so frequent anymore... but
            if you signed up for my Url-Minder, you'll know when I do make updates. So, I'll be leaving my
            site "as-is" for the time being...I will not remove the graphics, font/dings, or
            midis, but I won't make any updates to my site for a while...I hope you all understand.  Thank you, everyone, for making me feel like I matter...and for letting me know that my
            "contribution" to the World Wide Web means something to you...I cannot express
            what this means to me. And be proud, people....all of you together have convinced this old
            gal to stick around a while longer! :-) I have saved my guestbook, and every letter I
            received since my earlier announcement...I will be writing to each of you, expressing my
            appreciation.  Sorry this got so long-winded! lol Sooo... guess I'll see y'all soon... hang in there!
            Oh...BTW.... before I go off line for a while....here's a little something, and here's a
            little something...just so ya know "I'll Be Back"!!! ;-) TTFN!" | Graphic Workaholic Susie advised during our interview that her graphics
        skills were self-taught. She is very modest about her skills even though she receives tons
        of kudos messages daily. Her site made her felt like shes good at something.
        However, there is the pressure of maintaining the number of visitors she receives.
        Concerning her Internet addiction, Graphic Workaholic Susie, wrote, "
 I was
        afraid that if I didnt keep it updated and fresh, no one would visit it
" Another housewife graphics artists I interviewed, Graphic Workaholic Vicki, said,
        "
 I'm dedicated to my website because it's the only thing I've ever found in my
        life that I feel like I excel at besides motherhood." Last year, her graphic website
        received over 500,000 hits! This year, her site is receiving 2,000 to 3,000 hits a day!
 In the worst cases, these women can get addicted to the internet, just as they can get
    addicted to alcohol and drugs, which affects their love ones  their family and
    friends; in this paper, I will focus on the spouses. The victims of the Internet
    addicts neglect are called cyberwidow/ers on the Internet. The cyberwidow/er left
    behind must confront rejection, abandonment, anger, and confusion about what happened and
    why (Center for On-Line Addiction, Online). According to Dr. Kimberly S. Young, "the world's first Cyberpsychologist,"
    founder and director of the Center for On-Line Addiction, the world's first consultation
    firm and virtual clinic for cyber-related issues, observed that housewives
    were most at risk of becoming dependent on the internet. Dr. Youngs findings were
    based on data network interviews of 396 Internet users who fulfilled at least four of the
    eight criteria in an addiction survey. According to Dr. Young, to resolve
    individuals Internet addiction, one does not go "cold turkey." As with
    drug or alcohol, the individuals have to realize their problems, and that is the most
    difficult part  denial. The Internet addicts will need to recognize the neglect and
    pain they are causing their spouses. Some of the situations can even lead to divorces. An
    interview conducted with Dr. Young proved very informative: 
      
        | Question 1. I learned from the "few" women that I
        interviewed that they are addicted because of support, friendship, and web design
        workaholics (which gave them a sense of empowerment and the discovery that it's something
        that they excel in, instead of just being a homemaker) purposes. Cyber-sex seems to be on
        the bottom of the list. Can you share from your study, what the primary reasons are for
        women's Internet addiction? Is cyber-sex on the bottom of the list also? Answer 1. Yes, I found the same issues as more appealing for women than cybersex, however, men
        typically had cybersex higher on their list. Question 2. From your studies and experience, would you be able to categorize the general online
        purposes for women by percentages? (i.e., 50% for chats, 30% for cyber-sex, 20% for web
        design workaholics, etc.) Answer 2.  I did not divide the Internet applications by gender. Question 3. From my brief study, all the women I interviewed are homemakers. How many percent of
        the women from your study are also homemakers? Answer 3.  I had 42% that were categorized as non-employed but in that number was also the
        disabled, students, and unemployed. Question 4. Based on recent statistics found on the web, I understand the number of women on the
        Internet is outnumbering men. Would you say it's also true that more women are
        "addicted" to the Internet than men are? If yes, do you know why that is so? Answer 4. Over 61% of respondents in my original study were women and I continually work with
        couples/lawyers where the primary "addict" is the woman in the relationship. Question 5. Do you believe that Internet addicts can return to a more balance lifestyle? Or do you
        believe that most of them end up where they started because the temptation of 24-hour
        access to the Internet is too great? Or that the "real" reasons for their
        addiction cannot be cured simply by time-management on the net (perhaps they need marital
        counseling to begin with...)? Answer 5.  Yes, moderation has worked, but at times the person must abstain from the problematic
        area of the net (say to chat rooms). The best approach to treatment is both behavior
        modification (time management, etc) and examining the underlying reasons for the addictive
        behavior  and directly treating those issues. Question 6. Have you met women who are addicted to the Internet in person? Answer 6.  Yes Question 7. The women I emailed and chatted with for interviews seem very open. They are very
        comfortable speaking to a stranger - a trait one learns from the Internet. Do you know if
        most of these addicted women are also as out-going in person? Or do you think they are
        out-going online because their identity is unknown? Are there certain
        women/characteristics who are more easily addicted than others, or do you believe it's
        "fair game" once you've been introduced to the Internet? Answer 7.  Based upon personality measures such as the Sixteen Personality Factor Inventory I have
        found that both introverts and extraverts are equally as likely to be addicted. However,
        individuals who were more imaginative, open-minded, and ranked high in terms of solitary
        and non-group preferences, dominance, and non-conforming lifestyles were more likely to be
        addicted to the Internet. Question 8. Do these women realize exactly they are attracted to the Internet? The few I
        interviewed seem to know exactly why they are addicted. Answer 8. Yes. Question 9. At your website, there is a story about a woman who lost her marriage because of her
        Internet addiction. Do many of the cases, that you've encountered, get as serious? How
        badly does it get? I'm guessing that not cooking dinner, not doing laundry, and not
        communicating with your spouse can eventually get very annoying and hurtful. Answer 9. That is a published case study that represents the typical scenario. Question 10. For those women who are addicted to the internet and their spouses are having
        difficulties with it - do you think the addiction is negatively affecting their marriage
        or that their marriage was having difficulties and that the internet is just a
        "source" for the women to hide in? Answer 10. I have seen both sides of this argument. Some would have found other ways to cope with
        a bad marriage, while others had content and reportedly happy marriages and were seduced
        by the nature of online relationships and cyber affairs that made their life seem more
        exciting than it was. Question 11. In Question 4, you mentioned that you work with couples/lawyers. Why are lawyers
        involved? Answer 11. Mainly for divorce and child custody cases initiated by online addiction and cyber
        affairs. Question 12. Do you feel that Internet addiction will continue to grow? How rapidly is the problem
        growing? Answer 12. Yes, obviously as more people go online so will the number of problems. The problem is
        growing as rapidly as the net grows. Question 13. Do you feel that Internet addiction can be a widespread problem in the near future?
        Should the public be warned and be taught about it like alcohol and drugs, etc.? Answer 13. Yes, the seminars I conduct are designed as educational measures to help in the
        prevention of problems. Typically, the universities, clinics, or corporations I consult
        with say that the implementation of such seminars has been helpful in reducing the
        incidence of compulsive use of the Internet. Question 14. Since the school system and libraries are introducing children in America to the
        Internet, do you foresee a problem with children being addicted to the Internet? Have
        parents bought in children with this problem to your attention? Answer 14. Some parents have been concerned, but mostly I have spoken directly with school
        teachers and librarians deeply concerned over the unregulated use of the Internet in terms
        of poor social development and impairment to traditional classroom learning. Plus, I focus
        most of my work here on the danger of online pedophiles/cyberporn and their effects on
        children. Question 15. To avoid asking you for the number of divorce and child custody cases you have
        encountered, which were initiated by online addiction, can you tell me instead of the
        approximate percentage of such cases you do encounter (if all your cases represent 100%)? Answer 15. I would say in 10% of the cases, I am contacted directly by a lawyer, and in about 70%
        of the time, I am speaking with someone whose marriage ended (or at least separated) due
        to their involvement with the Internet/cyber affairs. | 
      
        
          
           Unlike physical addictions like alcoholism, Internet addiction does not require
    abstinence for a healthy and life-enhancing recovery (Center for On-Line Addiction, Online). There are support groups, in the form of listservs, on the Internet that are dedicated
    to helping Internet addicts. Internet addicts and online advisors collaborate together to
    help each other through their hardships. Books are also available on the subject. To help in that recovery process, Dr.
    Youngs book entitled Caught in the Net provides practical tools and dozens of
    intervention technique for a healthy return to normal life. However, if problems have
    already seriously eroded the individuals marital relationship, then they should seek
    marriage counseling. Dependency rehabilitation centers also exist, although after a thorough Internet
    search, only a few were found. Dependency rehabilitation centers like Cottonwood de
    Tucson, The Orana Group, and Pavillon International Treatment & Renewal Center. These
    centers are frequently referred to as Freestanding Chemical Dependency Rehab. These
    centers treatment philosophies are spiritually based and seek harmony within the
    addicted individuals -- they seek to address the underlying disease process. Another option would be to seek counseling from psychiatrists, like Dr. Young, who
    would meet with the troubled couples and try to discover the motivation behind the
    individuals reasons for Internet addiction. Once the problems are discovered, and
    the internet addicts recognizes that they are addicted, steps should then be taken to meet
    the missing needs of the couples. On * * *  this page * * * is a chart displaying 
            the results of the interviews that I conducted on the Internet. I 
            launched an Internet investigation for reliable and appropriate sources 
            of women as applicants for my cyber interview. My goal was to locate 
            and solicit the cooperation of women who were in this predicament: 
            Women (Moms / Housewives) Addicted to the Internet: Why & How 
            is it Negatively Affecting their Spousal Relationships. The demographic 
            requirements for the applicants were female, married, divorce, or 
            in a live-in relationship, resides in the United States, and addicted 
            to the Internet. I began my investigation for appropriate candidates by performing searches utilizing
    various search engines, such as Yahoo! and Infoseek. Targeted websites were a mixture of
    individuals, psychiatrists, and organizations dedicated to help and support Internet
    addicts. A search for Internet mailing lists, which is a form of email discussion group,
    was also conducted. According to surveys and studies performed by other sources which were cited in this
    paper, and according to my own interviews with various cyber housewives, the probable
    order of precedence for why web-friendly American housewives are addicted to the Internet
    are: 
      
        
          
            Chats  friendship, companionship, & supportSurfing  for information, sites of interest, shoppingCybersex  Housewives spend the majority of their day either at home alone or caring for their
    children. Therefore, they would be delighted to have adult companionships. Thus, for those
    with personal computers and Internet access, the Internet would be the most convenient,
    affordable, and quickest method to seek companionship and information. The Internet can
    provide so much resource to consume our time that the concept of time is quickly lost. The
    next thing the cyber housewives realize is that their husbands and or children are home,
    and that theyre back-loaded with household responsibilities. By the time the cyber
    housewives or their loved ones recognize that they are addicted to the Internet, they will
    have to adhere to time-management plans in order to balance their household work and play. As studies and my interviews show, most housewives Internet addictions are
    conceived out of boredom and the sense of self-excel. Half of my interview candidates
    expressed that their husbands and families are "Saints." In these situations,
    the resolutions to their Internet addiction are quite simple -- time-management and the
    love for their love ones are the keys. Many of the cyber housewives I interviewed felt
    guilty when their husbands and families expressed neglect. Cyber psychologist Dr. Young
    and over half of my interviewed candidates stated that time-management is vital. It is not
    necessary to go "cold turkey." The cyber housewives expressed that as long as
    they finish their household responsibilities, such as dinners are on time and laundry are
    done, their husbands and families will not feel neglected. If they are in bed when their
    husbands are, thats even better! Many of the cyber housewives actually desire more
    time on the internet than is available during "normal" hours (above); therefore,
    they will sacrifice their own time by getting up early or sleeping late in order to
    complete their online engagements. For the cyber housewives who are having issues at homes, Internet addiction will be
    even more addictive and more difficult to extract oneself from. Like other addictions,
    such as alcohol, in this situation the addiction is merely the surface or cover of the
    deeper, true problems. For example, if a cyber housewifes husband neglects her by
    withholding attention or by abusing her by making her feel unintelligent, the cyber
    housewife might then go online to seek attention and companionship or to learn computer
    skills to feel and be recognized as intelligent. These couples should seek professional
    counseling, in order to reconstruct their marriage. To these cyber housewives, their Internet friendships and bonds are real. I nternet
    friends provide them with the companionship and support that they need just like real-life
    friends do. Most of the housewives I interviewed agreed that they value and trust their
    Internet friends the same as or more than their real-life friends. Many Internet users
    know that people actually meet their Internet friends in real-life. My analysis is that in reality American families who own personal computers at home
    will experiment with the Internet. I believe that the Internet is very highly and easily
    addictive because of the vast quantity of information available and the unlimited access
    of meeting new people to befriend. The environment of spending time virtually instead of
    physically makes Internet surfers lose track of time easily, which result in the beginning
    of unintentional neglect to our responsibilities and our love ones. This form of addiction
    definitely warrants public attention. The current estimated number of U.S. online users is
    79 million (Neilson Media Research, Online) and
    the numbers are increasing daily. Like alcohol and drug addiction awareness programs, the
    public should be educated of Internet addiction.   
 1
    Cyber housewives refer to women who are stay-at-home wives and or moms. Return to:  Paragraph 
   Work Cited   U.S. Census Bureau      <http://www.census.gov/ftp/pub/population/www/>
    (November 21, 1998) Neilson Media Research, Online      <http://www.nielsenmedia.com//>
    (October 26, 1998) Center for On-Line Addiction      <http://netaddiction.com/>
    (October 26, 1998) GVUs WWW User Surveys      <http://www.cc.gatech.edu/gvu/user_surveys/survey-1998-04/>
    (October 26, 1998) Marriage Builder      <www.marriagebuilders.com/>
    (October 26, 1998) TechWeb      <http://www.techweb.com/wire/story/TWB19980610S0019>
    (October 26, 1998) Internet Connectivity Study      <http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/s/j/sjt112/iads/results.html>
    (October 26, 1998) Headcount.com      <http://www.headcount.com>
    (December 2, 1998)   
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