Your blue eyes on September 11th



On September 11th you went to heaven.
For some reason I do not remember your face any more.
I can only remember your blue eyes.
They had the color of a warm summer sky.
A lot of people had mentioned that the sky was unusually blue that day.
Perhaps emulating the color of your eyes.
I cannot tell about the sky of that day.
But I remember how gray it was when came back.
Or maybe it was just my sadness.
I was away on September 11th.
But I couldn’t have being more present.
When I heard that the twin towers collapsed my heart stopped.
I miss words to tell what I felt.
The same words that escaped from me the last time that I saw you.
If I would have known then!
Maybe I would have told you something special.
Something meaningful.
Perhaps knowing would have given me the courage to sound sentimental.
I guess that is OK sometimes.
Perhaps I would have held you without saying a word.
Perhaps that is what I would have done
because when I heard that your blue eyes where shut at the World Trade Center,
With out saying a word,
I held the emptiness and the fear that you left.
Sometimes I still look for you now.
I want to tell you the things that I couldn’t tell you on January, February, March.
Oh so many missed opportunities!
I want to give you the hugs that did not give you.
I want to kiss you for all the times that I didn’t.
I want to tell you that I forgive you.
I want to ask you for forgiveness for the things that I did,
for the ones that I did not do.
Then I remember that you are not here and I feel empty.
Sometimes I remember the blue of your eyes and I go out looking for it in the sky.
Sometimes I see your eyes in heaven.
And I think that you never stopped looking at me.
You never left!
I look at the blue sky and wisper the things that I couldn’t tell you before September 11th.

by Tanya Castaneda