She was a temptress. Never even left me with a choice. She seduced me and then left me without a thought. I controlled my desires for nymphets, even though I knew all along they existed, until she came along. I was not at fault, but you might say neither was she. Let me just say that no one has the slightest clue as to what lies beneath the soul and heart of a young nymphet. I didn't have much of an idea myself, until now. I know her motives and her willingness to do just about anything to get what she wants.

I thought intimacy was something more with her, expected something different. She was well aware of all I had sacrificed for her and how I had put my own life in danger to protect hers. Dr. Nin, we were in love or so I believed. At least I can say, I was in love with my Lolita. She was a young woman ready to plunge into adulthood with a man who adored her. She knew I would take care of her and so I did. I never set out to hurt her and you can certainly see that I never did. Lolita was the one who hurt me and betrayed my goodness - terribly might I add. For in the end, my nymphet love broke my heart and left me with no other choice but to kill her lover, only to protect her and then stand trial to be punished for it. Lolita was certainly not a young vulnerable girl, she was instead a flourishing lady capable of bending any man to her whim.

What's that you say, Dr. Nin, it's abnormal to think in such a way of an innocent child? I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, Doctor, that you are being fooled by the image of her as we speak, just as I was. I had the unfortunate chance of getting to know the real Lolita. But even today, I would not erase the times that we spent together for anything I could get in return. I still love her dearly. You just sit here in judgment of me week after week, as I confess my deepest emotions to you and all the tragedies life has brought me since my first encounter with Lolita. Society condemns our relationship, but who are they to pass judgment? Have they looked at their own destructiveness? Everyone, including you, can only turn and blame me. You look at me as though I'm a predatory monster who took advantage of the innocence of a young girl. No one stops to consider that it was with her full complicity that I embarked on this affair.

You still seem confused about what I'm telling you. Let me go back to my obsession with my younger sister, Jacqueline - an obsession she brought on to me and continued to torture me with. Now I know what you are thinking, Dr. Nin, my sister, yes my sister. Just like you had a twisted obsession with your father, I had one for Jacqueline. The truth hurts, doesn't it? I know that first hand and apparently so should you. You want to look deep within me and make some sense of what I'm telling you, but you can't.

Jacqueline you see, was a sweet lullaby, that serenaded my soul during my lonely nights. The smoothness of her skin, the fragrance of her long silky hair and, most of all, the bareness of her innocence was music to me. She was a temptress too. You raise your eyebrows at that, but she was just like my Lolita. But, being only a child myself, I let her remain only a fantasy in my mind, even though she wanted so much more. I had to make an extreme effort to push away all of her attempts towards me. Finally, after our parents' tragic death, Jacqueline and I were separated and the memories were all I had left of her.

You appear to be in a state of shock, Doctor. I'm not sure if that was at the mention of your father or at the story I've just confided in you. I've told you about my secrets, Dr. Nin, now maybe you can tell me some of yours. Did you actually think that by turning yourself into a psychotherapist, you would be cured of your compulsive sexual desires? Are you surprised at my knowing that bit of detail? I admit, I'm a man whose made mistakes, Dr. Nin, but I'm not foolish. Oh, I know, I know, we are only here to dissect my mental state of mind, not yours. Fine than let us continue on with your judgment of me.

I'm sure you're aware that I don't come here voluntarily. I don't believe there is anything you can help me with. Certainly, your not about to cure me, Doctor. I laugh at the word cure. What do you think you can possibly cure, my humanity? Denial, I have not denied one single circumstance, only confronted what has been put before me. Now my mental state of mind is in question? Well let me reassure you, Doctor, that my mental state is beyond reproach. Please remind yourself that the only reason I'm here, humoring you, is because the court's order specifically stated that I undergo psychotherapy. The only remarkable thing about this situation was the fact that I had complete authority as to my choice of therapist. I chose you because I know we have a lot in common. We both understand the seductions of the flesh. Of course, Doctor, in telling you all of this, I'm relying upon your discretion and professional confidentiality.

Let's move on to a more interesting topic, with your word that we will keep this part off the record. During my years in the penitentiary, I have watched the young children of my inmates grow into beautiful flowers, waiting for me to smell them and help them blossom. Recently, I have taken notice of one such flower. Coincidently, her name is Rose. Yesterday, Rose came to see her father, Albert, my cell mate. Rose has been trying for months now to seduce me with her devilish eyes. Wanting and waiting for me to take notice of her developing figure. I have time and time again pushed all thoughts of her aside. Though she purposely walks seductively, slowly strolling by, so sensually past me, countless times. Yet, I'm the one sitting here today, on this uncomfortable plastic sofa, seeking your professional help. I laugh at that as well, your professional help. As though anyone could consider you to be a professional, especially in this field. Because I am the adult and should know when and how to control my yearnings. No one ever questions the nymphets who lead us, no, no, pressure and force us to commit the unspoken and to feel the unacceptable.

Well look at that, Dr. Nin, it seems our precious time is up. I'm sure, you are terribly disappointed that we must stop at the peak of our session. If only we could have had a bit more time, maybe, just maybe, you might have geared my mind away from my thoughts of Rose, whom I shall see shortly again. Till next week, Dr. Nin, when we shall meet and continue to make progress. Please don't make yourself uncomfortable by getting up and walking me out the door. I know the quickest way out of your office by now. Perhaps, my fragrant young flower, will be visiting me today. Let me hurry on back. Good day to you, Doctor.

Friday, July 14, 2000

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I present to you Exhibit A James Joyce's A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man in hardcover. Not to be mistaken with A Portrait of The Artist As A Young Dog by Dylan Thomas. This is such a rich and beautiful book. I suppose it's possible for people to purchase such a book and still not find an interest in it. But I believe if you read and re-read the book, and maybe, for those of you who need to, do a little research, the book will open up to you much easily. A suggestion to take into account would be to have a historical encyclopedia handy for names, during the reading, you may need reference to. Although, if your in search for mindless entertainment, please do go out and purchase my confessions in "Lolita". Ladies and Gentlemen, that was just a little courtroom humor. Though most of you would probably find more pleasure in reading "Lolita" than in reading such a difficult piece of literature. I, myself did not find the subject of this book, "Stephen", to be of much interest, as my subject was in Lolita. Please turn your attention to Exhibit B now, James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man in paperback. Being in paperback might make it more comfortable for some of you who do not wish to carry such a heavy load day in day out. Just an extra addition to my courtroom humor. Back to Joyce's "Portrait" which is for those who truly appreciate great literature and are willing to dwell on every word of a marvelous artwork. This artistic ability is what separates "classic" literature from forgotten "popular" novels of past eras. Joyce writes poetic, often urgent proses: "To live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to create life out of life!", which becomes one of Stephen's clarion calls. I would like to submit that passage as Exhibit C. A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man should be read by anyone looking for one of the best tales of intellectual, physical and spiritual awakening we have. Its beauty is best savored slowly, as my Lolita's. Moving along. The novel may be written in a peculiar style for some, but the style is, in fact, brilliant when examined carefully, detailed, structured and readable. This book may be a little bit more involved than "Chicken Soup For The Soul," but for those of us who think about what they are reading and enjoy literary analysis the novel is a must buy. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I hope you will take the information which has been presented to you, into consideration as you adjourn into that room to deliberate the outcome of this case. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I, Humbert Humbert, rest my case.

Saturday, July 22, 2000

(Writing to Time Out New York) Dear Editor: In response to a review I read in your July 2, 2000 issue with regards to Sartre's No Exit, I have an IQ of about 160, and contrary to many of your other readers reviews, I think No Exit is a mindless piece of work. No Exit, is a one-act, four-character play written by Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher, writer, literary critic, social and political activist and leader of the existential movement based in Paris. I should also add before I continue that I like Jean-Paul Sartre quite a bit. Nausea was rewarding and The Age of Reason was incredible. But No Exit is a painfully overrated, silly little play. I found it interesting simply because it was by Sartre. But the interesting premise aside, No Exit is just simply not very profound, and generally poorly done. Seeing it performed might increase my appreciation somewhat, but then again, it might not. The whole play is based around a single philosophical idea -- "Other people are hell" (or create hell for the individual). It is a flimsy and not particularly interesting idea, which is poorly expounded on in the play itself. I gained almost nothing from reading No Exit. The Flies was better, but far from great. The Flies is Sartre's version of Mourning Becomes Electra. This play explores ideas of guilt, authority and repentance. If I had to entertain myself with one Sartre's plays it definitely would not be No Exit. Regards, Humbert Humbert.

Friday, July 28, 2000

Setting: The private meeting chambers of the Mayor of Cairo. The Mayor sits in a large overstuffed armchair. Across from him, a visitor reclines in an equally luxurious chair. The Mayor is uncharacteristically awkward in the presence of his guest, a man who exudes elegance, condescension, and a haughtiness of manner that even the Mayor is unaccustomed to.

Mayor: Welcome to Cairo, Mr. Humbert. It gives us great pleasure to assist you in your capacity as Special Envoy for the United Nations Committee for the Protection of Children. You may know that I am a great admirer of your work with children.

Humbert: I know that you are a great admirer of children, your honor. However, I have not traveled this great distance for a simple exchange of pleasantries. Indeed, I must come straight to the point. It has come to my attention that you, sir, have personally engaged in the most abhorrent conduct with the fair nymphets of this City.

Mayor: Where could you have heard such scandals lies?

Humbert: My correspondent is one Nawal El Saadawi. I had the unfortunate experience of picking up her book God Dies By The Nile some months ago and learned of the harm caused to the youth of your City. I met Dr. Saadawi shortly after that and she informed me of mutilations, of the very deflowering of innocent youth, that you sir allow to take place under your power. How could you sir; how could you allow anyone to inflict such barbarism upon the purest of God's little angels? I you see, am their protector. It is I, more than any man living, who can appreciate the singular charms of the cherubs with whom we are so blessed and yet so tortured by. Ah, but I run on. It is you, Mayor, who must answer for your unspeakable crimes.

Mayor: Perhaps you don't appreciate our local customs. These are the traditions of thousands of years of history. And we will not tolerate an officious bureaucrat intruding into our affairs.

Mayor: I'm sure you'll do well in escorting Mr. Humbert straight out of my sight and village.

Thursday, August 3, 2000

I would recommend this novel to a serious reader who is looking for intellectual stimulus. It is not a science fiction thriller, and if you are not prepared to consider challenging ideas, I would not. Brave New World discusses a negative utopia where humans are salves to their "conditioning" or a pavlovian effect used to control them. All their wants are fulfilled but in reality they are no more than biological inanimate objects. What makes this book so impressive is that it was written around 1932, but predicts many modern human developments including, mass media and "the invasion of privacy", biological engineering, and mood-altering drugs. If you are concerned about the future, this book will help you discover the importance it holds to society in order to prevent a world like the one in Brave New World from actually developing. To sum it up Brave New World is a novel about the future of Earth. It seems like a very realistic forecast for what the future will bring. Already society is becoming more and more like the one that Huxley created. Mindless forms of entertainment are everywhere, things like bad movies and games. The world is becoming more crowded than ever before; the population will double in not too long. Brave New World is much like Fahrenheit 451. But instead of total chaos, there is over organization. The destination of a person is decided long before they are even born. My interest level was taken on a roller coaster ride throughout the story due to the wavering quality in which it was written.

Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita is a book that deals with obsessive lust and bloody violence, the real horrors of which are often masked by the beautiful, clever language of the novel.

When it was first published in 1955, reactions to "Lolita" ranged from rapture to outrage, and the word controversial has shadowed the book's title ever since. The novel's scandal-tinted history and its subject ­ the affair between a middle-aged sexual pervert and a twelve-year-old girl ­ inevitably conjure up expectations of pornography. Contrary to peoples thinking there is not a single obscene term in Lolita. Lolita blazes with a perversity of a most original kind and has a stronger charge of comic genius and is brilliantly written.

Lolita is one of the most unconventional literary classics of the century. Lolita is a twelve-year-old girl, and the object of desire to the European intellectual Humbert Humbert. As narrator of the story, Humbert chronicles his normal childhood, adolescent experience, and adventures in a booming America as a European tourist, and a pedophile. He decides to move to post-war America from post-war Europe in the late 1940s. Humbert came to America to escape the archaic, pre-modern, lifestyle of his continent. He was greeted with images and people that worshiped new found materialism. Once in America, Humbert settled in the small town of Ramsdale, a place where plastic pink flamingos grazed peacefully on front lawns; he rents a room in a house owned by Charlotte Haze and her daughter, Dolores (also known, in Humbert's mind, as Lolita). For Humbert, Ramsdale was his garden of Eden, it was the place where he met Lolita.

The foreword explains that the manuscript which follows is the confession of Humbert Humbert, who died in captivity in 1952 just before his trial was due to start. The protagonist, Humbert Humbert, is writing the manuscript for Lolita, or Confessions of a White Widowed Male from a jail cell, where he is incarcerated for the murder of Clare Quilty. Although he is about to be placed on trial for murder, his manuscript recounts the history of his sexual affair with a young "nymphet" named Dolores Haze, a.k.a. Lolita. Humbert writes that he has had an obsession for nymphets his whole adult life, beginning with his unrequited passion for a young girl named Annabel whom he fell in love with as a young boy. Fate only allowed a brief affair between the two before Annabel's tragic death. His sexual acts with Annabel were never fully satisfied, leaving a permanent desire in his mind that only feels fulfilled when he falls for Lolita. Humbert's original love for nymphets was, in reality a genuine appreciation for what is sensual. Humbert often refers to Lolita as his American Annabel. Although, the American Annabel is no longer sensual, but rather sexual. The sexualization of Lolita is an important theme in the book as a satire because it exposes the corruption of tradition. Lolita in her most chaotic form is art, history, politics, and philosophy. She is ignorance and knowledge. In the most distinct form, Lolita is a satire of the new obsession for the materialistic lifestyle that was born and thrived in United States culture.

Lolita, Dolly, Dolores in her heart shaped sunglasses, unshaped body, and dirty face. She seems to carry all the qualities of the teeny-bopper listening to the Big Bopper. She is modernism in its truest form; as an innocent 12-year-old on the cusp of puberty. Lolita is perfection because she hasn't been contaminated with the impurities of growing up, she is Eve before the apple. She partakes in activities of childhood like riding her bicycle, going out to play at her friend's house, and reading teen love magazines. Through Humbert's eyes she is all of those ideals, but she is more than that. She is a nymphet, only to the eyes of the Humbert species is she beauty at its finest moment. "Glimpse of shiny skin between t-shirt and white gym shorts. Bending over a window sill, in the act of tearing off leaves from a poplar outside while engrossed in torrential talk with a newspaper boy below." Listen to one of the many passages of Humbert's description of his Lolita that Terri will now read. [READ PASSAGE FROM PAGE 9]

After finding his American Annabel, Humbert marries her mother Charlotte because the marriage will give him the opportunity to be with Lolita at all times. Charlotte is the modernist belief in progress taken to a different level. Through Humbert's eyes, Charlotte is materialism that is still foreign to him. He immediately becomes obsessed with the 12-year-old Lolita. Charlotte and Lolita do not get along at all, however, and Charlotte decides to send Lolita off to summer camp followed by boarding school. But before she returns her mother discovers Humbert's private journal. After reading about Humbert's condemnation of her and lust for Lolita, Charlotte goes insane, and tells Humbert that he will never see Lolita again. She runs out into the street to mail a letter to Lolita about Humbert's sick intentions when she is suddenly hit and killed by a car.

Humbert soon afterwards goes to fetch Lolita from camp, although he tells her that her mother is only in the hospital. They go to a hotel for the night. There Humbert and Lolita have their first sexual experience with each other and become lovers. Humbert later tells Lolita that her mother is dead, and they begin a year-long driving tour that takes them to almost all 48 contiguous states. They see hundreds of attractions everywhere, all the while continuing their affair.

After a year, they move to Lolita's hometown, Beardsley, where Humbert enrolls Lolita in a private girls school that stresses social interaction with males above academics. Humbert, however, becomes quickly paranoid and jealous, fighting with Lolita frequently about her allowance and her

associations with boys her age. Eventually, Lolita mysteriously announces that she wishes to leave Beardsley and go on another long drive, to which Humbert readily consents. However, while touring the nation again, Humbert notices that they are being followed by what appears to be a detective (we

later learn it is Clare Quilty, a demented writer with an obsession for child pornography and an intense love for Lolita). Suddenly, Lolita completely vanishes, leaving Humbert all alone. We learn at the end of the novel that she has gone off with Clare Quilty. At the time, though, Humbert does not know any details about her disappearance; he drives around by himself looking at all the places they had visited, trying to learn the truth.

About three years after Lolita's disappearance, Humbert receives a letter from the now 18-year-old Lolita, announcing that she is married and pregnant, and that she needs money. Humbert goes to her house and tells her that he still loves her immensely. He gives her four thousand dollars to help her and her husband, but in exchange he demands to know with whom she had disappeared on that road trip. She tells him about Quilty, which sends Humbert into a rage. He bids goodbye to Lolita for the last time before setting out to find Quilty. When he reaches his house, he breaks in with a gun, tells Quilty what a horrible man he is, then murders him. Driving away from the house, Humbert realizes that in his life he has broken virtually every moral law imaginable, so he might as well break some legal laws as well. He begins driving on the left side of the road just for fun, and he makes a practice of running red lights, which quickly gets him arrested. The police officers, seeing him covered in blood and finding his gun, arrest him and later charge him with the murder of Quilty. Humbert, who is writing this book as his testimonial for the jury, admits that he deserves to be locked up for his affair with a 12-year-old girl, but he claims that the murder of Quilty did society a favor by destroying a sick pervert.

We learn from the foreword that Humbert died in prison and that Lolita died in childbirth a short while later. Her baby was stillborn.

Humbert is a man who essentially gets what he wants in this book. He wants to get married at the beginning, so he marries Valeria. He wants to make love to Lolita, so he marries Charlotte to get near her and eventually succeeds. He wants revenge on Quilty, so he murders him. In each part of the book we see what Humbert wants and how he goes about getting it. We learn in exquisite detail his inner drives and motivations.

Persons who feel sexually and/or emotionally attracted to children are called pedophile. Pedophiles are in love with children in the way an adult would be in love with their significant other. They would never think to harm a child. Women as well as men can be pedophiles. Even though that most pedophiles have been known to be men. Some pedophiles prefer children in a certain age-range, whereas others are more flexible. As for Humbert Humbert he preferred girls between the ages of 11-16. Approximately three fourths of the pedophiles we know prefer children of their own sex. The rest, such as Humbert Humbert, are interested in the opposite sex. Throughout more than a century and a half, numerous sexologits, psychologists, physicians and other scientists have tried to find the reason why people have different sexual preference. None have been able to come up with a concrete reason. The only thing there is reasonable agreement about, is that the sexual preference is determined already early on.

Officially, pedophilia is regarded as an incurable disease. Though in an issue of the New England Journal of Medicine researchers stated that monthly injections of a drug that blocks the male hormone testosterone appear to be highly effective in treating male pedophilia and other sexually-deviant behavior. In the study of the 30 men who had injections of the drug triptorelin found that it virtually eliminated deviant sexual fantasies. They all stated that their sexual desire had decreased considerably and that their sexual behavior had become easily controllable. For the twenty-four men who stayed with the treatment for at least a year, the drug appeared to be 100% effective. The men in the study were either men who were released from prison to participate or who had volunteered to take the drug to avoid prosecution for sex crimes. Side effects of triptorelin, which is not available in the United States, include impotence, hot flashes, weakened bones and a lack of sexual interest in women. The injections were combined with a program of psychotherapy. Most researchers are still skeptical of the drug because most believe there is no cure to such a disease. It is impossible to change somebody's pedophile orientation, or any other seal orientation for that matter. Many psychologists have wondered why some children don't complain when sexually abused. Denying the obvious explanation that pedophiles don't abuse their targets. They only want to love them and in turn the children are attracted to the idea of being loved by someone.

Unfortunately, the Internet has provided the pedophile with a wonder tool for locating unsuspecting children for his/her sexual pleasure. Some pedophiles are sharing their pictures on the Internet, but the extent, the lewdness, and the amount of money involved has been highly exaggerated by the media. Most of the pictures show clothed children. A fraction of the pictures show naked children, typically playing on a beach or in other non-sexual situations. Within the fraction showing naked children, only a tiny fraction of this fraction show children in sexual situations with other children. Since most pedophiles prefer to see children, not adults, in the pictures, you'll rarely find pictures showing adults involved sexually with children.

Pedophilic images are surprisingly common in society ­ surprising given that society careers from hysteria to hysteria over the possible sexiness of children. Looking at what sells in society, taking for instance the special issue of children in the New York Times Magazine's back page and on billboards up and down the Metro-North commuter lines, Tommy Hilfiger ads display a naked-tummied, adultly dressed boy of about sixteen dangling insouciantly from a branch. His tongue slurps the air. His boxer shorts scooch up above his belt loops just as underwear does in adult jeans ads which everyone acknowledges as sexy in the main because of this joint peek-a-boo revelation of torso and boxers. A cliche of cultural studies holds that wearing briefs says "I have a penis" while wearing boxes says "I am the penis".

There is a controversy between pedophile and child molestation. Should they be considered different terms or does one go in hand with the other. Child molestation is an action - sexually acting out with children. It has now been said more so that it has been discovered that most pedophiles are cunning and luring children into committing sexual acts with them. Children are misinterpreting the relationship and some do not want to take it has far as the predator wants to and that is when things get ugly.

Taking examples such as, Jesse Timmendequas the man accused of luring 7-year-old Megan Kanka into his house only to then rape and strangle her. Megan disappeared July 29, 1994. Timmendequas assaulted Megan and strangled her with a belt after luring her into his house. Timmendequas lured Megan into his house to see a puppy. Her partially nude body was found several days later in a nearby park. Timmendequas confessed to the killing during police questioning. The girl could not have possibly known the unspeakable horrors she was to endure before he ended her life. The slaying sparked public outrage after neighbors learned Timmendequas had two prior sex convictions. Mrs. Kanka campaigned for laws requiring neighbor notification when sex criminals move in to neighborhoods. Outraged over Megan Kanka's murder gave birth to a nationwide movement to crack down on sexual predators. New Jersey passed "Megan's Law," which requires sex offenders to register with police and allows authorities to notify their neighbors about their pasts. In all 50 states, a paroled sex offender must register his residency with local authorities, and all but five states require some form of notification when a convicted sex offender moves in.