Thomas A Greaney as ANAIS NIN'S HUSBAND

Summer 2000

A Brave New World has arrived and it is all that Huxley dreaded. Dreaded and expected. It is interesting to note the amount of drug taking that is required maintaining this perfect world. Not unlike many of my friends and family members who take drugs prescribed by their physicians. Paxil, Prozac, Effecor, and of course Viagra. The list goes on and on. Most of them are sedated to within an inch of their lives.

Depressed, socially inhibited, sexually inadequate, compulsive-obsessive the list of maladies of the mind is endless. The answer is in the form of a pill. I am only touching upon the legal not the illegal. The volume of illegal drug consumption is rising exponentially and threatens to overwhelm our criminal justice system. Interestingly enough ecstasy is the drug of choice across America. A drug that is a crude form of Soma. The tedium of talking to a therapist or the stoic approach of gritting ones teeth through life is not fashionable in today's society of plenty.

I feel that this is based on our inability to accept the reality of our own minds. The fear that what we perceive as solid is quite insubstantial. This creates a basic sense of terror that seeks some form of relief. A pill is very convenient and provides an easy out. Least you think me completely priggish I use nicotine and caffeine in large amounts so I am not with out involvement the drug addicted culture that we find ourselves swirling around in.

My own mother is medicated to within an inch of her life and seems to be n a state of complete hazy relaxation. The old anxiety is gone and is replaced with a glazed smile. What happened to my mother, my wonderful neurotic Jewish mother!!!! As to her sex life, it would be tasteless for me to speculate.

Perhaps I should join the parade of the pleasantly dazed, no would not fit with my basic style. The nobility of suffering and the challenge of psychological depth. Narcissism is rather dull.

The Windhorse

The earth is serene yet tortured

The mind is tortured yet serene

The desire for deceit is seductive

The attractions are strong

I gaze with lust and need

I long for union

I seek the relief of escape

I run towards the wall

My Lolita beckons

My sense of humor is paramount

My basic banker nature reasserts itself

My bad boy is twisted beyond recognition

Jeremy Irons is sexier than Lolita

This is a big problem

I am very confused and saddened

Somehow, the whole situation lacks dignity

Perhaps dignity is not the point

James

I am in love with a man named James

Two men named James

One man in two bodies

The desire is brutal

The fantasizes are fast and furious

New York and San Francisco

Both cities have two words

My mind is blown

James the shrink

James the cook

James loves dance

James loves opera

James has big toes

James has a hairy chest

My body is hot

Which James is which James

I suffer from performance anxiety

I am supremely confident

The distance of the relationships is troubling

The distance provides a great deal of relief

I expect to spend much money on airfare

Therapy is so expensive

The end

The beginning

Narcissism and My Mother

My mother is seventy

My mother is scary

My mother is scared

My mother is sensitive

My mother is strong

My mother is stringent

My mother is smart

My mother is suffering

My mother is self-absorbed

My mother is not self-effacing

My mother is not selfish

My mother is not standoffish

My mother is not stingy

My mother is not supreme

My mother is not sweet

My mother is selfish

My mother is not stiff

My mother is self-existing

Hail to my mother

Hail to the wisdom of the shetl

Hail to America

Hail to my good fortune

I love my mother

The Unicorn and the Python

The battle is intensifying

The alliances are unstable

The panic is profound

The motives are unclear

The end result is unclear

The morality of the causes are debatable

The challenges appear insurmountable

The foundation is shaky

The enjoyment is exhilarating

The guilt is non-existent

The carnage is high

The victors are concerned

The defeated are unbowed

The blood is electronic

The discussions are endless

The challenge of decency is unmet

The rewards are illusive

The unicorn is sad

The python is constricted