2432	Assessment
Abstract	The overall content of the abstract is fine.  The casual language and some awkward phrasing both create some ambiguities and detract from it having a professional air.
Research Question	The general aim of the research is fairly clear, although the specific research questions are not.
Literature Review	The literature review gets across some of the basic ideas relevant to the project.  Unfortunately, the review suffers from a narrow range of materials considered and a casual presentation that tends to muddy rather than highlight the critical ideas. This draft cites three other scholarly articles, and includes no research from the past 20 years. The proposal needs to review what scholars now working in this area would consider the relevant work and address how the proposed study fits into this literature.
Data	The proposed data seem reasonable within the defined boundaries of the research project.  Those boundaries, however, may prove problematic.  Aggregate characteristics such as crime rates vary considerably by more local characteristics than states, such as by population density from rural to large city, and group categories, such as by age.  One can try to control for the range of relevant characteristics, but since we have only 50 states, we can only handle a limited number of such characteristics simultaneously. Of course, the approach also must face the issues of possible ecological fallacies. This does not mean that the strategy of using aggregated data is doomed to failure.  But it does suggest that it may require considerable methodological and theoretical subtlety and hard work to overcome such issues.
Causal Interpretations	Beside an overly casual writing style that leaves too much ambiguity, the causal interpretations provided seem underdeveloped.  For example, as the research aims to compare characteristics aggregated at the state level, it needs to consider the difference between relationships owing to composition (different states have different distributions of the relevant population characteristics) compared to those owing to cultural differences or social network differences as mediating "variables."
Research Value	No real effort to defend the value of the research.
Timetable	No timetable.
Citations & Biblio	The bibliography is formally okay (if substantively too thin).  Citations are largely absent in the text, which will not do.  Please consult an appropriate guide to the reference style system being used.
Quality of writing	The prose is easy to read, but its informality is not ideal for presenting tightly organized arguments. Breaking up the proposal into sections would help the reader navigate more easily.  The proposal should echo the tone of scholarly articles by becoming more formal, focused, and academic.  The proposal should also avoid broad abstract or philosophical claims (such as “what is success?”), particularly without citing others.
Priorities for Revising for Final Draft	The proposal could use some serious efforts in all facets.
Miscellaneous Notes